Change Begins in a Moment

How do I get happy? How do I change? How do I help myself?

I was 37 years old, a single mother of a beautiful little girl and my heart was, again, broken into a thousand pieces. I was bereft, in deep pain and just simply trying to keep going, looking after my daughter, working, and so lost. My ability to simply talk, let alone connect with other people, was non-existent. I was completely destroyed.

You see I thought this time, this man was going to be my time to shine, l found love and all was going to be ok, everything is going to work out. This time things are different, I am older, wiser and I can manage anything. I am ready for love, and have found the man of my dreams, he loved me and all is good with the world. I am unstoppable!

It didn’t matter that I knew from the beginning he was off in a few months to live in another land, and me, a mother, single, had no financial means to follow him. The truth be known he wasn’t was ready for that anyway, but what I knew I buried deep inside, I didn’t want to see the truth, I was looking for my ‘Happy Ever After’. I deserve it!

Back to me in the moment, we’re sitting together, me deeply in love and I hear these words coming out of my mouth “Trust me, I’m not going to be hurt, I know you, you are a bird who can’t be caged you need your freedom and I know you have to go, I understand, it’s OK, I’ll be OK!” All true apart from the “I’ll be OK!”, I wasn’t! He spoke his truth, never hid anything from me and left to follow his journey in another land and I wasn’t a part of it!

I broke, shattered beyond what I believed could ever be repaired. How would I ever smile again. I was living like a robot, getting through day by day, flatlining, void of feeling anything

I’m sitting in my car, waiting to pick up my daughter, in anguish, how can I take care of her if I can’t take care of me. That was the moment, I realised I can’t take care of me because I don’t know Me! I don’t understand Me! I don’t love Me!

This time of deep love and loss was an epiphany, the gift, where I learnt, I want to be happy, I want to live a life of joy and I need to change how I see myself and my life. I want to free myself from seeing life as a hard slog, a struggle, fighting to keep my head above water. I choose a life filled with joy, love and living all of it and all it brings to the fullest, whatever this means. And, in that moment three questions entered my head.

How do I get happy?

How do I change?

How do I help myself?

This moment was the beginning of change. These three questions became the banks for my river of life, that I was and still am flowing down, guiding me, no matter how soft or hard the water rolled, carrying me to find my joy, learning to love myself, accepting all of me, the light, the shadow, embracing change and living in flow.

This is what I have experienced and learnt, all my lessons are what I share with you, so you don’t need to do it the hard way, alone. Let me help you, guiding you down your river of life, making the changes you want and helping yourself to live in joy and flow.

Kim xxx