Better the Devil you know – True or False?

I’m 42, in a relationship that is void of joy, and a job that is going nowhere fast, sure it pays the bills, but oh the mundane routine of it all with no growth in sight, just constant stress and pressure to make sales, keep the team running, keep my life running and I should be grateful for it all. I mean he, at least I have a partner, he says he loves me, I have a job that I am successful at and yet I keep asking myself …

Is this it? Is this all life has to offer me?

It can’t be it, there has got to more to life than this. I want more! But I don’t even know what ‘More’ is? Do I deserve more or am I simply expecting too much from life? Yes, I should just be grateful and accept life as it is. So I keep moving, getting up, going to work, being a partner, a mother … and So What?

It must be me, I want too much out of life, why can’t I just be happy with what I’ve got?  Other people are, why can’t I just settle, accept, this is my lot. But deep inside me I know I can’t settle and yet I don’t know any other way. I keep on telling myself - Kim, just accept this is your lot and be grateful for what you’ve got.

I mean if I was to follow that voice inside of me, if I made change, I would be alone, managing work, being a single mum and that just felt way to scary and overwhelming. I convince myself, ‘Better the Devil you know’ safe in my routine, my little life. Determined, I tell myself – I’ll make it work.

So on I go, trying to make it work, criticizing my partner for not being what I need, fighting and forcing him to change, because then everything would be better. Blaming work for being a toxic environment, not supporting my ideas or input, feeling depleted, my confidence gone, completely paralysed – Stuck in a life that was not fulfilling, trying, trying, trying but nothing changing.

In reality it was all me, I had chosen, to stick to the life I knew, it was too scary to step into the unknown, I chose to stay small. But it wasn’t working for me. I realised, it’s not about what’s happening to me, but about the choices I made. I began to see my pattern, always looking outside of myself to be happy, but not wanting to change myself and in that moment, I knew I could no longer live small and safe. I needed to step up and make the changes. My ‘Better the Devil you know’ life plan was not working. I was the master of being stuck in my own life.

No wonder I was stuck, I needed to stop looking outward and start looking at myself for change. Why? Deep down I knew I am only thing I have agency over, to shape myself, shift and adopt new ways of living life differently.

Okay, so how, how do I change myself? I was scared and had no idea how but I decided that the first priority for me was, I need to change my job. I wanted to get out of Sales, but Sales was all I knew – how am I going to get out? Time to take stock.

I sat down and did, what I call, ‘My Strengths Inventory’. Listing all my strengths, what I am good at, like doing, and all the jobs I have had where I was able to execute those strengths. Reflecting on my list I could see a picture forming, a strong leader, a team builder, seeing others strengths and helping them develop and grow. I was being to seeing what I really liked was helping people learn. I could feel my energy uplifting and what surfaced was my skills and strengths in helping people grow and progress.

A map was being to appear of how I could shift. My confidence was beginning to grow. I began arming myself with knowledge, a process to make the unimaginable a reality, taking out the mystery and making it doable. I researched learning roles and began to see alignment in the application of my strengths. I researched how I could re-skill, what I could afford and realistically what time I could commit to learning. I finally found a course for me, meeting all my criteria and tapped into my courage to enrol. 

I was filled with fear, but knew that I could no longer exist in a world shaped by ‘Better the Devil you know’ and even now, sitting here writing this, I feel the fear rising, but as I know now and was learning then, I allowed myself to feel the fear, accepted it and commit anyway to take action.

Shifting my pattern from looking outwards for joy and change to inwards where I know I am responsible for the changes and joy I want in life. A challenging journey indeed, and one that you don’t have to do alone.

Reach out, let me help, holding your hand step by step, guiding you from a life that no longer serves you, where you’re stuck and can’t get out, to one where you re-connect with self, step into your power, find your voice and live the life you want.

Kim xxx